"I want to fly!"   I think wanting to fly is something we all dream of at one point or other as kids. We look at the sky and see the birds swooping through the air and it just seems like so much fun! As we get older, like with all things, we become more afraid, more cynical and more cautious. Children are so brave, trying everything, until they start to learn of the possible consequences of their daring escapades! For some of us, though, the dream never completely fades.

I always dreamed of skydiving…anything to get me up into the air!! I watched airplanes, ultralights, birds, hot air balloons and even had the chance to see actual skydivers floating down under their beautiful canopies a few times. I didn’t live near any skydiving centers, though, so I just kept telling myself “one day”. After a particularly difficult time in my life, I had decided that I was done thinking about it and wanted to do it. I begun to check around to see where the closest place was that I could take a skydive, for at this point I thought I only wanted to do it once, just to see what it was like! I found out that it was in Kingman, Kansas, about 2 ½ hours from where I lived. When they told me the cost, I was disappointed. How could I ever afford to try it, besides justify to myself that much money for a ride that only lasted a few minutes all together?! I even told a friend of mine that as a symbol of ‘my new start’, I was going to go skydive…a plunge out of the plane, into the air and my new, better life. Again, though, I just couldn’t seem to find the time or finances to go through with it.

Later I met this amazing, crazy man who wanted to try skydiving just as much as I did! How wonderful is that? A chance to truly begin again with my best friend and soulmate by my side as we fulfill a lifelong dream of both of ours! With my birthday coming up, and the skies warming, I practically begged to not wait any longer while Merrick had a secret surprise all along…he’d already made plans for us in his hometown!

We arrived at the Oklahoma Skydiving Center in the drizzly rain for our ground school. As I read through all of the legal forms, it hit me…they said “die”! Oh wow. That truly is a possibility, isn’t it!? The owner and our teacher, Mike Palmer, made me forget about those words as the class went on and I attempted to keep track of all the things he was telling us. I had no idea how I was going to remember everything! There was so much more to skydiving then I’d anticipated, and I hadn’t even thought about the part where I’d be flying the canopy down or the possible dangers in that also! Was I being a fool? I am a mother after all! I have two sweet children at home that need their mom, and here I am pursuing an adventure that could very possibly kill me! I had to laugh, though, when Mike asked each of us why we wanted to skydive and Merrick responded with how he expected me to be all ‘worked up’ afterward, so he was anticipating some great sex! How could I disappoint him after that?

After practice in the classroom, we then went out to harnesses which were hanging from the ceiling to practice our safety procedures. As we hung there, Mike would show us pictures of different canopy possibilities and we were to demonstrate how we’d react to each of them. At one point, when we cut away, the harness actually fell a little way to simulate the feeling of actually releasing your canopy. When I felt myself fall, I automatically reached up and grabbed the risers to catch myself. Well, the risers would’ve also come loose in said situation where you had to cut away, so grabbing them as they separate from your harness is definitely not the best idea, which was pointed out to me very clearly. That’s just not a good start being told, “You just died! Don’t do that!” Whoops.

I have to be honest and say that when we were told how we would be exiting, that about did it for me! I’d pictured just throwing myself out of the plane, diving as if into a swimming pool or some such. Ah, but no such luck. As Mike explained how we’d be climbing out of the plane then hanging from the wing, I just thought, “You’re kidding, right?!” I’m going to have to set my feet on this tiny square step and then hang from the wing like some psycho stunt person?! Please tell me you’re joking! No such luck. That was precisely what we’d be doing to help us get into a good arch before actually falling from the plane.

After the course was over, we waited around for a while, hoping that the rain would clear off and we could go up. How in the world could I wait another day!? What if I forgot some of the stuff before then?? However, we did have to wait. It was the first sign of a big lesson that I’d need to learn if I truly wanted to be a skydiver, patience. I would spend a lot of time sitting at the dropzone waiting for Mother Nature to have pity on us and give us clear skies and soft winds to play in.

We came back the next day, excited and scared. We watched all of the ‘real skydivers’ milling about, fascinated by the stories they told, while still not even completely understanding some of what they were talking about. Then the time came to gear up. We were introduced to our jumpmaster, Dave, who helped us on with our rigs then checked them over. After another check by Mike, we nervously waited until it was our turn to climb in the plane.

Before we knew it, it was that time! Helmets on and out to the plane. We learned what it was to be a sardine as we all squeezed into the plane and tried to get comfortable for the climb to altitude. I took deep breaths and tried to listen to the stories Dave told as we flew up and up through the sky. I looked at Merrick often and we wished each other luck, telling each other how much we loved one another. My heart beat like crazy and my palms sweated. All I could think was, “I actually paid for the privilege of being this scared!”

When we made it to 3500 feet, Dave talked to the pilot, yelled, “Door!” and out it swung. I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest at the noise of the wind rushing by! I was scared for me, scared for Merrick and wondering what in the world I’d been thinking! It was hard for me to watch Merrick climbing out. All I could think of is what could happen and beg God to keep him safe. Then he was gone and I almost frantically asked Dave if he was okay. He told me that he’d done beautifully and was already on his way down under canopy. My turn. I turned scooted up by the door, again wondering if I was going to be able to do it. I couldn’t back down now. I had to know what it was like. I had to see what it was to fly!

Again, “Door!” The door swung open and after a moment of watching the ground, Dave told me to put my feet out and stop. The wind blew so hard, I was sure I wouldn’t be able to keep my feet on the step. I sat there while he checked to make sure my radio was on and showed me my pilot chute. I was thankful that I didn’t have to try to pull my own parachute yet! I reached for the strut…my hands fighting the wind. I forgot all about how heavy the rig was while I was on the ground as I stood up on the step. I slipped my hands out as far as I could on the strut, reaching for the rough pad at the end that I was supposed to hang from. I reached it, barely, my height and fear making it difficult to stretch out that far. After I had it, Dave told me to hang. I let my feet come off the step, and was only there for a few seconds before my hands slipped off the strut. I had not had as good a hold on it as I’d thought! My first coherent thought after that was the jerk of the parachute coming out then Mike’s voice coming over the radio telling me to do my SOP’s. So much for counting then checking for four corners on the chute!

It was truly amazing. It was so incredibly quiet up there…so serene and beautiful! Then Mike came back on the radio to tell me to look down and find the dropzone. I had been dropped a little further then intended, either because of my hesitation climbing out or my slipping off, but I needed to get back to the landing area! I recalled being told never to cross powerlines during our class, and got a little scared again when I looked down and saw powerlines between me and the field I was to land in. He was directing me back that way! I knew I could trust him though. I followed his direction and sighed with relief when I passed over the lines, plenty high for them to not be any danger. I began setting up for a landing as he talked to me, then feet together and “Flare!”. Not so graceful as Merrick. I slid in on my butt through the mud! Then the parachute began to pull me backwards, inflated still by the wind. I hear Mike yelling over the radio to let go of one of the toggles and pull the other one! I do it and get the canopy pulled in. Ah, so much for grace!

As Merrick and I walked in, I attempted to process all that happened. There were so many feelings and experiences within such a short time! A week later I still was having a hard time remembering everything. I couldn’t wait to do it again, just to see if I could remember more the next time, being more prepared for what was going to happen. Just one more time….